Saturday, September 8, 2012

My Back Against The Wall

When I posted about not passing the insurance test the first time, no one knew how bad I really felt. 

Before I retook it, I went through every line of every chapter, made my own flash cards of definitions, every day was 8 to ten hours of writing and reading trying to make the information stick. Days blurred in my mind, one day after another. The day of the test, I packed up my notes and cards and drove to the test site, arrived early and read aloud definitions while I sat in the truck. It was time.

I sat down at the computer and dove in. At first it seemed easy and then doubt showed up in my mind. Did I know it? When I was done, I turned in my test stuff and they printed my score. They give it to you upside down. I thanked them and left.  I didn't look at it in the hallway. I didn't look at it on the long walk back to my truck. All I could think was "what if I didn't pass. what if all the effort wasn't enough, what would I do?"
I slowly turned it over and it said PASS!

A sense of relief washed over me. A major hurdle. The first time I scored 104 out of 150 for a 69.3% and a failure. This time I scored 121 out of 150 for a 80.7%. A nice jump for me.
Funny thing though, the first time I had hoped for a 70. This time I had hoped for an 80! and it worked.

and now...
Basically I had burned all my bridges in an attempt to remake myself one more time. I had walked away from a bad, crumbling situation on my last job, both mentally worn out and physically breaking down. 

I could no longer tell if I couldn't do the job anymore or the bar was being raised so high that it was impossible to succeed. I decided to leave on my own terms. Jump ship and I knew that would not be welcomed on the home front. A man, of course, is defined by a paycheck. Things went as expected.

I cast about in many directions in my job search. Different areas and the more "I have done this before over the years" thought process and surprisingly, nobody wanted me. Like many things in life, you don't have the experience or unsaid " you are going to want too much money or man, you look old".

Many jobs offered included long hours, low pay, and much travel. And many had you working 6 days. 

The job I did go with was not my first choice at first. When I first went to the group interview, It all seemed too familiar to me. See, I had done something like this in the early 80's and had failed miserably.
I was sure it was to be more of the same. During the presentation I could feel the energy draining out of me.
When it was done, they had you write on the top of the application second interview, follow up or no thank you. With some hesitation I put down follow up.  And got a call a week or so later.

After some playing some phone tag, I went in. By then I had made up my mind that this was the job for me. For one, the hours were to my liking, 9-5 5 days a week, weekends off. I would be my own boss more or less setting my own hours.I had found a different way to approach the sales portion and I am betting that it will pay off.

But the catch is setting my own pay too. It is a straight commission  job.

Okay, all together..shudder..   Commission! 

What about security? No job is secure, trust me.

Think about it, ever work real hard at a job and make as much or less as the guy/girl next to you? Straight commission pays you what you are worth.

Yes, there are ups and downs in sales but mostly it evens out over time. I hope I still have it.

I figure it will take a week or two to get things rolling and then we will see. 

A line from The Hunt for Red October

Captain Ramius: When he reached the New World, Cortez burned his ships. As a result his men were well motivated. 

I am well motivated. We will see how good I am. 
This could be my last hurrah. I will be 60 this year. This is a job I could do for the next ten years.
I will find out when my orientation is, ground rules and such. You sign a contract. I will be an independent agent, my own taxes and such. A new adventure indeed.

and now it is coffee time

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