Monday, August 9, 2010

Ouch! My Head Still Hurts!

There is a lot of talk about professional sports, especially football, the violent impacts causing concussions and players having problems later in life.

I wasn't a player, but I had/have my own issues growing up that maybe effected me and how I grew up. Painful memories in more ways that I like to think about.

I have been knocked out several times between 7 and my early twenties. Why was I so unlucky, I don't know. When I was little, playing by a neighbors house, I was hit in the head with a hammer that was being swung about. Knocked unconscious.

On the playground, playing baseball, I got to close to the batter who swung wildly, was hit in the head. Knocked unconscious.

I was playing catch with my brother in front of my house. My dad was sitting on the stairs watching us. At one point he called out to me, I turned, but my brother had thrown the ball and with my head turned, hit me in the side of the head. Knocked unconscious. 

I was playing ice hockey at the local park outside, aggressive hockey, one guy took exception and hit me in the head from behind with his hockey stick. Knocked unconscious.

Does that effect you later in life? Yes I think so.  My math skills are limited. I don't trust myself with figures without a calculator. I remember standing in front of the blackboard, crying, that I couldn't understand the math problems.

I always feel inferior to anyone that is good in math. or figures. or bookkeeping. accounting.

I stopped trying to move up in the business world because I didn't want to fail at something so easy for others and so difficult for me. I transpose numbers at critical times. Counting money, I couldn't be a cashier because I would make money blunders that could cost me my job.

I tried to get some additional schooling and advance myself, but on too many occasions, I just wouldn't or couldn't  get it. Like someone who never learned to read and faked their way through life,  I made do. But I knew something was missing.

All my life I struggled trying to figure out what i was good at. Wandered from job to job. I didn't know what to do.  I was very shy growing up and not until my late twenties did I start to show some promise as a salesman. Much later in life, I started getting good at it, and my pay has slowly gone up.

Almost everyone that has made it big in life seems to have great math skills. I realized early on that would not be me, but I didn't stop trying. Somethings take me forever to learn, but when I do, I can do them in my sleep. But few have the time or patience to let me find my way.

I am a voracious reader. A great thirst for knowledge. I have been told I am creative. I can visualize problems and come up with solutions. I am competitive. I believe I am compensating for my short comings, that is probably true.

I know that I am not the brightest or the dumbest. It is what it is.  It is always somewhat painful to talk about one's shortcomings. But sometime it is therapeutic to write about it.

Thanks for listening.
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