Thursday, July 15, 2010

Zen Of Sarcasm

E mail of the week

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not  walk ahead of me, for  I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either.. Just pretty much leave me alone .

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky radiator hose.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to  steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable . If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like  everyone else .

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet .

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car
    payments .

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
    That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their
    shoes .

9 . If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.

10 . Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish,
    and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day .

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was
    probably a wise investment.

12 . If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.  If you tell a lie,
 you won't have anything to remember.
13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield .

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them .

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it
    back in your pocket .

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot .

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and
    it holds the universe together .

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works .

19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving

20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it .

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up .

     AND

22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on
     the same night . 
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