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Giving or getting advice can be tricky. It can be felt as a sign of weakness or lack of ability or not knowing how to do something intuitively.
I know for example that taking some golf lessons would help me tremendously but I don't take them. I will listen to someone better then me during the course of a round of golf but I won't go to see the local pro for help. I know I would feel embarrassed to have him watch me swing a club.
Sometimes a neighbor will ask me about something. I always pause a moment and think, do they want an answer or will they just do what they want to do anyway?
Intelligence, however, can get confused with knowledge. There are enough people in the world that if you were to ask a question about anything, anything at all, someone would know the answer. That person or persons would be looked upon as authoritative, for the moment.
Sometimes people think getting advice is unwarranted, or meddlesome. Nothing can be further from the truth. I have a neighbor who, as far as I know, has never painted his house. I noticed that when it rains, the walls of the house are wet. This will lead to internal moisture problems and mold. I wrestled with telling him about it, him being a lawyer and such. Finally I did tell him. He was non responsive. The house has not been painted. I tried. If something goes wrong, at least I did my part, did what I could.
It is easy to miss something when you are attempting something difficult or learning how to do something for the first time. A little tweak here and there can be very helpful.
But help and advice can be unwanted. If rejected, there is little chance I will offer again. I hate to be a bother. I won't watch in silence. I won't watch.
The look I get sometimes is if you are so smart...
So there you go, if you need any advice and I know how, please don't ask.
and now for a giant cup of coffee
to soothe my ruffled feelings
ray
3 comments:
I rarely give advice. I don't want to be held responsible if something goes sideways, but if I do go out on a limb, I preface by saying "I'm not a professional but in my opinion..."
Advice from a pro is fine because one would expect that they know more. Advice when asked would be well received. Advice for the sake of advice is often patronising. Generally, if an adult wants advice they will seek it out.
If a neighbour came over to me and told me to paint my house I would tell them to feel free to get the paint and paint brushes and go for it. I'm sorry, but I think it is rude to do that. You think he does not know? He chooses not to act on it. He probably has other things to contend with. Why should the way others live their lives bother someone enough to feel they know better? Just because people are not doing what one thinks they "should" be doing, it does not mean they have no idea. It more than likely means they are choosing to do their own thing.
If I give advice I try to take the parent aspect out by saying "well, this works for me but it may not work for you" or something along those lines. Not everyone has the same idea about what works for them. Everyone one is different. Even when I advise my son about something I will say that. He can take from it what he chooses.
Travel
That is a good rule to live by. I will take your advice! lol
Linda
I never give advice for the sake of advice. If I see I can help I try to offer help.
I looked up the definition of patronizing. It is as followed.
patronizing present participle of pa·tron·ize (Verb)
Treat with an apparent kindness that betrays a feeling of superiority.
That is not what I do.
You misunderstood with my neighbor. I did not tell him to paint his house. I waited a long time to point out the water damage he incurring. I was not rude, I was acting in a sincere manner. There is a sense of duty on my part to point out the obvious that may hurt you. He does not know. After I pointed it out, he chose not to act. He is a retired lawyer. He is unaware about his house as I am about the law. His choice. What he should be doing and what his thing is I will never know.
You are truly right, I am not a pro. I have learned much today. My goal of not giving advice has been strengthened. No good deed goes unpunished.
Thanks for stopping by.
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