Things You May Not Know About RJ - part one

Some boring stuff I am sure but never the less

I love the colors red and black. A new color that I seem to like is raspberry. I have a few shirts like that.

I don't own a suit. I haven't for over ten years. The need or occasion just doesn't come up anymore.

I love to draw. Currently I am searching for my own particular style and strength. That may take awhile.

I love to write. I don't know if I am any good at it but I give it my best each time out. Getting my thoughts down on paper is very helpful for me.

I like to write poetry. Emotional times make the words pour out and it is very cleansing.

I don't care that much about watching and following sports teams that much anymore. Too many years of disappointments has drained away the fun and enjoyment.

I don't like people who hate their jobs but show up each day and spread their pain around the work site complaining about this and that and how they can't wait for the day to end.

I am a math idiot. I learned math calculations as it related to work, floor plans and so on. Practical stuff.
But I never trust hand written calculations, I must use a calculator when ever possible. Abstract math? Forget about it. And I am envious of people to whom it comes naturally.

I end many a sentence with a preposition. Sorry about that, can't be helped.

I love to cook. I love to bake. When I bake, I love to give it away. It tastes good and it makes people happy. Everyone loves homemade goods and appreciates the effort it took to make it.

I don't like being around people who look like they are suffering when they are working on something, a pained expression on their face.

I love playing drums. I haven't sat down in front of a set in forty years but I know I can still play. The endurance needed, that is something else.

I love my children. They are all better at me at everything and that makes me happy.

I have very few close friends. The ones I do have, have stood the test of time.

I wish I could play the guitar. My brain gets in the way trying to get each hand to work on its own.

If you are my enemy, alive or dead,  I will never forget you. Or forgive.

If you are my friend, I am here for you.

It takes me forever to learn how to do something or understand, but when I do, I will be better then you at it.

I like to do things on my own. Working around the house, even something that takes two people to do, I will figure how to do it by myself, walking, riding a bike, making conversation is very distracting.

I love my music. I enjoy many types and styles but rock and roll still rules for me.

I wish I was great at something. The search continues.

I realized long ago nothing I will do will be perfect. Ever.

I love people with a sense of humor.

I hate laugh tracks on TV.

I love to read. If I like a book, I will keep it and read it again and again seemingly forever. The same thing with a movie I like.

Dogs really are man's best friend. Unconditionally.

That is it for now.

coffee time

ray

Follow Up, Part Two - Destiny of the Flea and the Inchworm and Me

I remember a war story when I was young, comic book style about a soldier lying on the ground who awakens to find out that he has died. He finds it hard to believe as he is up and walking around. He wanders along a road until he reaches a fork in the road. 

He can't decide which way to go, it looks like he is getting a second chance to live. So he chooses to go right. His adventure does not go well and he dies once again. He laments that he had chosen badly and wishes he had gone left instead. Lo and behold he gets the opportunity once again. This time he goes left, but once again it goes badly and he dies. He was dead and nothing was going to change the end result. End of story.

Life is like a big picture puzzle that we all have put together at one time or another. You dump all the pieces out and in most cases find all the edge pieces and see where they fit and before long it looks like a picture frame and you start working on the rest of the puzzle.

The puzzle in this case is you and your life. I think it is set, whatever you are to be, you will be. When the last piece is put in place, it is over. Finished.

But what of working to better yourself, more schooling, becoming a better person, find new talents and so on? A person can change right? 

My point is that anything that you do to change is already part of your puzzle.  If you are a doctor and then become a lawyer, you are supposed to do that. 

A sports superstar, done.

Rich and famous, done.

Model, done.

Rock Star, done.

Poor, done.

What ever you are today and if today ends everything, that is how it is supposed to be.

Everyone has a role to play in their part of the puzzle. The puzzles overlap, but they don't change.

Simplistic, perhaps. Cruel, no I don't think so.

Should one stop trying? No, unless your puzzle ends with you quitting.

The hard part is, no one knows. This is all a guess on my part, a surmise, a word I would use if I was educated.  

Am I totally wrong? Who knows? One thing for sure that I know is...

It is what it is.

time for one more beer.

ray

The Flea, The Inch Worm and Me

Bear with me as I recount a story or two that popped up in my head lately.

There was an experiment in a laboratory with some fleas. They were put in a glass container, to observe, with a lid on top. Now fleas are tremendous jumpers capable of superman type leaps. They started jumping to get out, one could hear the tapping on the lid, a very long time.  This went on for quite some time, tap, tap tap.

Then after some time, the actual time frame escapes me, the sound of the taping stopped. But the fleas were still jumping up and down.  A decision was made to see what would happen with the lid removed.

The fleas continued to jump but only as high as if the lid was still on. Not one flea jumped out of the container.

2nd experiment. A round plate-like dish was produced. Around the edge several worms, inch worms I believe, one behind the other, and food, their favorite, was placed in the center of the dish for them to eat. So picture this now, a ring of worms that would follow the one in front only and a delicious meal awaiting them if they broke away from the pack.

They crawled around the dish, one after another, 24 hours a day for almost a week. Eventually they starved to death even though food was nearby.

A bit of naval gazing here. Am I the worm, the flea, both, none?
Has-is life become a conditioning journey of sorts? After  beating one's head against the ceiling for so long, (Flea) is there a form of acceptance with the hand one is dealt?  Do you continue on the same path, the path of least resistance, (worm) the safe route because it is all we know?
(You and me are interchangeable here.)

I don't have the answer, I don't know.
However I do know this is part one of two of my  musing on this subject.

to be continued

ray

Oops missed some, Sidebar Comments!

You may have noticed or not the comments I put along the side of the posts.  Sometimes witty, sometimes sad, sometimes great quotes I found elsewhere. I change them up on occasion. However, today is the day to showcase them in all their glory. I hope you like them.

Can a man and a woman be long time friends without sex?

I guess we all know the answer to that question.

One day

Maybe one day fate will be kind and we will meet and embrace

game of chance

when you sit down to a game of cards and looking around you can't figure out who is the loser that night, it is you my friend, it is you.

Mark Twain

"Keep away from those who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you believe that you too can become great." 

Sherlock Holmes

"When you've eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth,"

My Thought

If one looks back in life, there is a long list of people that want to see you fail, there is a longer list of people who do not care what you do, and there are only a handful of people who want to see you succeed.

One must at all costs savor and nurture the handful that make life worth living and striving to achieve a better you.

That handful gets smaller all the time.

me

Wise Old Saying

Just Remember,

When a door is being shut, that means a open window is about to slam on your fingers.

I am so there

"Concentration is the ability to think about absolutely nothing when it is absolutely necessary."

Ray Knight

Switch On

There is no off switch for genius. There is no on switch either.

Disclaimer

No animals were harmed in the writing of this blog

Listen when they tell you

Don't play cards with a guy named Doc.

Don't eat at a restaurant called Mom's

And never sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse

then your own.

Yoda Quote
"Do or do not... There is no try."

Just Wondering
If opinions are like assholes, everyone has one, and I have many opinions, does that mean I have many...oh never mind!

Idiot
I am not the village idiot but we are next of kin.

Truth Hurts
Two people together but living alone

It is true
Love is the only cure for loneliness

7 Billion people in the world
and still I feel alone

Sex
The latest scientific survey shows men think about sex 95% of the time. Seems kind of low doesn't it?

Drawing Thumper, how I did it...

This is not meant to be a tutorial on how to do this. This is just how I currently am going about trying to recreate something on paper. I will get better ( I hope ) but as an artist once told me it is a process. Right now, this is mine.

Please click on the pictures, the first 2 are very faint.

Step One

step two

step three

step four

step five

the original copy

below

getting closer

and thanks for playing the game!

time for a cold one ( beer )!

ray

Google Me And What? Anything?

I guess I can hide in the land of Google. Ok, Not completely but close enough. One of the reasons is my last name is the same as the first name of Denzel Washington. Thousands and thousands of lists for him.

Where am I?

I put in Raymond Denzel. Ah ha, Facebook!
Now we have it. I click on and ...heh, that's not me!

WTF, where oh where am I?

Finally, I did find my name for a review for a book I had once read.

And I found my name because of this blog. and my guest poetry spot.

raymond j denzel
ray j denzel

I guess I am not that important on the world search scale

that's it! I must be really boring and unimportant.

Maybe that is a good thing.

beer time

ray

The Bike Hunt

Honestly, I didn't think it would be this difficult. How hard could it be to make a few stops, check out the styles and make price comparisons, and go back later and pick up a new bike?

I decided to make the rounds before work yesterday. First stop the Sports Authority. There was a small cluster of bikes, some hanging from the ceiling, some in racks on the floor. It was broken up by mens, women's and children choices.

It looked all jumbled to me. I looked at the tags trying to figure what kind of bikes were being offered. Most seemed of the mountain bike variety. I guess trail riding would be more accurate since in Florida there is nothing resembling a hilltop let alone a mountain.

The second choice was called a hybrid. The tires were smooth down the center with a raised tread on the sides. A hybrid seemed like an SUV that is capable of climbing the sides of a mountain but is only used to traverse the local shopping center parking lot.

Leaving lost and bewildered, I then stopped at Dick's Sporting Goods. The quantity of bikes on display was very large, but it was still more of the same.

I decided to try the local Wal Mart. I normally don't shop there. The bike section was partly empty, and not well organized.

Sigh.

I had remembered a bike shop at one of the local malls here in town. I guessed that the prices would be higher but there would be a level of expertise to go along with it. I was right on both counts.

The woman was able to answer my questions about hybrids, tire pressure ( 90 lbs is better ), the value of a 21 speed bike, proper height and so on. But the prices. I felt like a credit check and a down payment would be needed.

So I headed home, not poorer, somewhat wiser.
The search goes on.

Maybe I should just stay with my old bike. Really it's not that bad.

coffee time

ray

The Urge To Create

The urge to create has been building up inside of me for a long time. When you have a job that essentially is designed to move product or help people find a way to to do something, which I do rather well, the moment is fleeting.

Helping someone might take a minute or two as I break down a problem into simple steps and guide them along the right path to completion. Or I sell something which may take 15 minutes or so and they will have something for years, but the interaction fades away over time,

But writing or drawing seems to be a vehicle that allows me to express myself in so many ways. In writing poetry, the words tumble out of my brain on to the screen seemingly with a life of its own. I never have to change anything, I just stop when I am done. When I feel some type of emotion, my writing is then my best, whether to convey disappointment or put myself in the place of another.

Drawing is another outlet rather new to me. After watching others show off their skills, one day I had to try to do something. Many attempts were rather crude and very annoying to me as I knew I could do better then what I was doing. But I took a rather bold step on my part and drew in front of people at work to push myself into getting better. Day after day I would try different things, thumbing through this book and that, trying to get a feel for drawing. Many a day I would wad up and toss my attempts, not satisfied with the results. Or slash line through what I drew in disgust. Then it seemed to get better.

I learned how to tune out distractions. I play my I pod which blocks out people's voices but also the little voice that talks saying I can't do this. I find myself becoming part of the picture I was attempting to draw, immersing my self and becoming part of the drawing, kind of spooky.

I started becoming bolder with my attempts. I now look for anything I think I can draw, the more renown the artist, the more eager i have become to try. I have not yet become good, just better.

I talk with people that draw or paint, trying to get my head around the thought process, a tip here or there and that they have been willing to share with me I am very grateful. It seems that they want me to succeed. A very nice feeling to be sure.

I now draw at home instead of work. I can work longer if need be, picking some hours I can spare to stay in the moment.  Some drawings take an hour, some a few days starting and stopping as I wrestle with how to do  what I am trying to do. I learn how to do something and a day later have to relearn it.

Some drawings, like the Strange Tree, involve many hours to complete. I worked on that for about 5 hours, unable to stop until it was complete, not wanting to lose the moment. When I finished it, I was exhausted, but pleased. Each drawing I do, I do the best I can and then walk away when I can't do more.

Why do it at all? It is a major feeling of accomplishment to create something from nothing. You are watching me grow, naked to the world on each attempt. For someone someday to say R J is an artist would be the most satisfying thing in the world to me. To make something that will last and endure over time would be sweet. I want to be known for something good. I don't have many years to develop, I don't have that kind of time I fear.

My time is now. The urge to create.
Thanks for listening.

coffee time
ray

William Blake-Newton Drawing

Picture found

William Blake- Newton 1795/circa 1805

My attempt

being that I am posting this Sunday night

I think a nightcap is in order

while I ponder is it a small success or

a learning step.

later

ray

also posted on R Jacob Post Artwork

5-15-11

Ladies-Men Have Body Issues Too!

Women are not he only ones with society notions of how one should look to others. If you notice the ads for mens magazines covers, workout shows, movie stars, athletes, many if not all, show wonderful physiques. rippling abs, almost no body fat to speak of and anything else to make one feel insecure.

Yes we share the same feelings ladies. We come across as being too short, too tall, too fat, too skinny, bad hair, no hair, too young, too old, not enough sculptured muscles, and so on.

But woman will say we don't care about all that. We do. We just don't talk about it. We look, we compare, who has the bigger belly, who is in better shape.

Sometimes we kid about it, but we all have a wish list of our own. Men almost always wear a shirt to hide their flaws and yes, are uncomfortable at the beach around the muscle types.
A guy is always up against someone bigger, faster, and stronger. Sometimes it matters, sometimes not.

It has always been that way since early man. Women are attracted to certain types just like men are. They will talk amongst themselves how wonderful this or that guy must be.
Some realize there has to be more then physical appearance and then the rest of us has a chance.

To become that guy takes a tremendous amount of work and maybe a narcissistic personality to achieve the look.

Most guys would be happy being reasonably fit. Most do not go to the extremes of anorexia or bulimia to get the look they want, like some women do.

But for bigger muscles or a better shape, steroids has been rampant for years with many athletes, an addiction of sorts. One that over time will kill.

Some will say that it doesn't matter, I am happy with the way he is. But if you woke up next to him to discover somehow the big belly is gone, the man boobs went away, he has nicer hair, I don't think you would mind.

Yes, we have body issues but we don't talk about it.
Oops, until now that is.

coffee time

ray

A Happy Day at Work?

Sometimes it happens. I started work yesterday at 1:00 p.m. and with the first customer I knew it was to be a great day. Not a super sales day but the interaction with customers was fantastic!

Everyone had a sense of humor. The ladies were beautiful, the men were laughing. I was at my most charming self, joking, kidding and having a fun time. When it happens, I get kind of a high, which feeds on its self.

It is an interaction those working in a cubicle or desk will never have happen to them. I guess I was like a stand-up comedian with an audience loving the act, feeling the rush of excitement and the pleasure of the performance.

It is called being in the zone. When everything works. You know it won't last, but you enjoy it while you can. When it does happen,  your job is not work, trust me on that.

I am actually handsome and charming everyday, but alas, it is not always noticeable.

Today is another day! I can't wait to go to work. Please someone stop me........

Pen in hand

I thought I would give it a try.

 I wondered how to do color, 

something I don't know how to do yet.

so I decided to add a bit of color,

the shirt cuff and the pen.

and a bit of the brown ( box )? also.

coffee time

ray

Man vs. Machine

Ok, if a bike can be called a machine it certainly qualifies. It belonged to oen of my daughters and sat unused for many years. It is old, showing some rust, paint chipping, a 12 speed I think. 

If I told you how many years it has been since I rode a bike we would share a big laugh. If you have been reading my posts, you would know I have been fighting knee problems. So I decided to give it a go.

The old saying you don't forget how to ride is true. The first thirty feet was very shaky but soon I was back in the groove. The tires are meant for trail riding, knobby instead of smooth so it is not a friendly ride but it stills works.

I started with one mile to see how my knee would react, so far so good. I am up to six miles a day now. I must admit it is not fun yet. My butt still hurts as it gets used to the seat, I know it will get better over time.

When I am doing 10 to 15 miles I may consider a better bike, but I will wait for awhile. Just to be sure.
I don't want it to stand in the corner of the garage begging to be used.

A bit of a boring post I guess but it will do.

coffee time
ray

Blogging Change

I am guilty of trying to do too much at one time.
Yes, I can multi-task with the best of them.
You know multi-tasking, the art of doing many things badly at the same time.

I am going to post 3 days a week.
I am going to try to do Monday, Wednesday and Friday only.
It is not set in stone, but we are mixing concrete as I write this post.

I try to be helpful to others all the time, it has mentally tired me out.  Sometimes the help was not warranted. Ouch.
My intentions however were honorable, as always.

Two of my posts will be deleted, I did not like the way they came across. Maybe I will delete more, I am not sure.  One is curiosity and the other trust.

I am not going away, just sitting in the corner chair with my feet up, having a cold one or coffee as the case may be, dictated by the time or day of the week. My  work schedule changes every week, but I think this will work.

Wish me well.

thanks

ray

p.s.
I have deleted 6 posts into never never land!

Another piece to the puzzle.. .Does it sound familiar?

As Scorpios tend to withdraw from the centre of activity, they can sometimes seem quite secretive, and tend to be quite complex. 
They possess profound and powerful natures, with immense tenacity and will-power, yet they are also deeply sensitive and easily moved by their emotions. 
The waters run deep for Scorpios in any situation.

Motto: I desire

Element: Water (negative, feminine)

Sign: Fixed (concentration, determination, individuality)

Symbol: Scorpion

Ruling Planet: Pluto

Colour: black, red

Gemstone: Citrine

As Scorpios tend to withdraw from the centre of activity, they can sometimes seem quite secretive, and tend to be quite complex. They possess profound and powerful natures, with immense tenacity and will-power, yet they are also deeply sensitive and easily moved by their emotions. The waters run deep for Scorpios in any situation.

A good and loyal friend, a Scorpio will never forget a kindness but they also find it next to impossible to forgive an injury. Ambitious and blunt, straight to the point, a Scorpio will zero in on the essential questions, gleaning the secrets that lie within, however Scorpios themselves are usually intensely private souls and not easy to get to know.As a water sign, Scorpio is primarily concerned with feelings. As a fixed sign, their feelings will be intense and powerful. The symbol of the scorpion depicts the intense and passionate nature of the Scorpio, which few ever truly understand. A scorpion has been known to sting itself to death, rather than be taken captive.

So how do you show a Scorpio how much you love them? As they are very adept at uncovering secrets, mystery books and movies would most likely make an appropriate gift for a Scorpio, along with sensually romantic gifts which would appeal to their passionate natures.

Sad Face--Happy Face

For a while I have been the face on the left.

 Emotions have ruled this Scorpio man.  

But the wrong emotions were in charge,

 eating away at me. 

The other face is emerging 

once again,

calming the seas,

a stillness in the air.

They will come back

for that I am sure, 

I will be on the lookout,

trying not

to sting myself.

Lose myself in the arts

build a better me, 

be all I can be

not a motto

but a lifestyle.

hang on, 

it's going to be

a bumpy ride,

tickets are free

enjoy your stay.

I will!

The Game We Love The Most Is Killing The Ones Who Play The Game

The brutal game many have played since childhood continues to ruin the lives of the ones that have played it at the professional level.

The depilating injuries to limbs and knees and shoulders has been well documented, leaving crippled players in its wake, unable to walk unassisted , drugged junkies unable to handle the daily tasks of life, castoffs of a cruel and vicious sport that attracts so many viewers that for many years now surpassed baseball as the American pastime.

The early days of football almost came to an end when some players died playing the game and changes were made to increase the safety for the players and equipment changes have made the sport more reckless and crowd pleasing for the viewing audience.

All with a price.

One attracts attention at all levels by having the ability to give out and withstand vicious hits. Those resonate the most with fans, plays of the week and end up on a you-tube highlight reel. The legacy of the game, crippled players left in the wake of it all. Huge grown men

Players of today are bigger, faster and stronger then years ago, but not tougher. Many gains in size and strength have come with steroids, which at the time, no one knew what the long term consequences would be, now we know.

Worst of all are the injuries that don't show, that can't be wrapped in a cast or bandages, no crutch for support.

Brain damage. many players are donating their brains after death to find out what is going on. Many have been found to have severe brain  damage.

Players are at risk at an early age, in childhood, when the risks are very high and not noticeable.

One note. To the rest of the world, players wearing the equipment that they do makes them not as tough as say Australian Rules football.

NFL players running at full speed, hitting a quarterback standing still, can generated the explosive force of being hit by a car at 35 miles an hour.  Anyone willing to try that , please get back to me with your results.

One thing though, do it 30 times. That is the average contact players go through in a game.

Like many sports, it is a test of machismo.  Man vs, Man.  But there are no winners.

You learn to play though the pain. But when you get older the pain never stops.

Back to the brain damage. Memory loss, blurred vision, it affects family life, jobs, constant headaches. The vibrant lifestyle one had when playing is gone.

yea, but the money right?

No. Many players make the minimum scale which might seem high to many does not even begin to make it all worthwhile. Signing bonuses are the only thing guaranteed and maybe the first year. They do not get payed for preseason games nor do the get payed for the playoffs.

Most players careers last around 3 years. Not too long is it? And then what. Most, when they leave the game, ( forced out ), do not have anything to fall back on. Many do not know how to mange the supposed wealth they receive.

Like the Roman Coliseum of old,  football stadiums are a mecca to many fans, ( fanatics ), millions and millions in cost to build.  Tickets, concessions, stadium naming rights, television revenue all contribute to pay for it all.

Players are bit players on the football stage.

The National Football League. Maybe they should call it The Not For Long league.

The game they love is killing them.

That is the football legacy. Not what you thought is it?

coffee time

ray

House

Survey Says?

Ok. I need a show of hands if you think my recent collection of writings over the last week or so could be described as drivel, claptrap, ludicrous, pretentious, sophomoric and which set back the case of verbal intercourse a thousand years? ok, ok, no shoving, yes, I will count them all, the one jumping up and down under  with two hands up, I counted you too.

Hmm, that many???

Ok. I need a show of hands if you thought it was emotional, gut wrenching, bare it all, informative, humbling. revealing, hurting writing that will stand the test of time?

I am waiting......( cue the sound of crickets )....still waiting............sigh......... .....sigh........

The results are in...And the winner is...

You liked it! Thank you very much for all that voted. ( Yes, the results were rigged, just like a real election. )

coffee time

ray